Wednesday 26 January 2011

Seeking A Proper Definition Of Self Esteem

By Jill Kent


So what is the definition of self esteem? It's how we think of ourselves, plain and simple. To esteem something means to respect it or value it. Thus, if you have low self esteem, you have a low regard for who you are. Their self-worth is not as high as that of other people they deal with.

If you want to get specific, beliefs and emotions are part of the definition of self esteem. A person with self esteem recognizes his/her accomplishments and talks about himself/herself in a positive light, not dwelling on the negative part. Conversely, a person with low self esteem is often sad and lacking in confidence.

In 1969, psychotherapist Nathaniel Branden came up with a definition of self esteem that remains reliable up to today. As Branden said in 1969, self esteem can be defined as "the experience of being competent to cope with the basic challenges of life and being worthy of happiness".

The definition specifically highlighted "the experience of being competent", which means we have what it takes to do things and face challenges head-on. People with low self esteem will often feel that it is not OK for them to be happy, and any time they are happy, something bad must be right around the corner.

Self confidence is a distinct element from self esteem - confidence is more of how we project ourselves in public. People can be very confident and have a lot of faith in their ability to perform, but still place a low value on themselves.

For example, somebody could be very successful and confident at work, but their low self esteem could mean that they have a lot of trouble with relationships. Their low value of themselves might make them reluctant to seek a relationship. Another sign of this would be if the person goes out of his/her way to please other people, going the extent of giving gifts and being available any time, anywhere. And it could bring out the worst in the person, making him/her abusive or overly controlling. At the end of the day, these are all possible reasons why someone may think being in a relationship can never be unconditional.

Sometimes, there are underlying factors like the way we were brought up that may make us unaware that we are actually guilty of not valuing ourselves as highly as we should. And unless someone notifies us about them, they can often be largely ignored.

This is where therapy can be helpful. By using therapy, we can improve ourselves and recognize that a view of ones self is a view and nothing more than that.

Questionnaires are often used in gauging self esteem. When answering these questions, we get to express how we feel about the world around us and how we see ourselves.

However, a lot of specialists think that high self esteem is not without its downside. People who place a high value on themselves can easily feel threatened and become aggressive if other people challenge this view, for example if they are insulted. But ask other specialists and they'll tell you the above case is narcissism at work, and not self esteem. They believe in their definition of self esteem, which is one where you hold yourself in high regard in any given situation.




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