Keeping you marriage alive can be a very hard thing to accomplish. It can be a very sad thing to watch a once happy union fall apart. Sometimes, even when both partners want it to work, they helplessly watch it fall apart. Usually, armed with a little information it is possible to save your marriage.
Understand Your Feelings
Before you can fix the way that you feel you must understand why you feel that way. Arguments lead to anger and hard feelings, but what is the real reason for the arguments. If you are truthful with yourself and your spouse does the same, you will probably discover that although on the surface the fights are about many things, the real reasons are all the same. Perhaps one spouse feels ignored or that their needs are not being met. Maybe one spouse is too controlling and the other feels like their opinion doesn't matter. Whatever the truth is, if you can discover these reasons then you can start to fix the real problems.
Tell the Truth
Obviously trust is important to a good marriage, but the fact is that almost all of us lie. We don't only lie to our spouses, but often we lie to ourselves as well. Be honest with yourself about what it is that your truly want or need, then share those truths with your spouse. Often we lie to our spouses to protect their feelings. This may be a bad strategy. In this case we end up hurting ourselves to protect our spouses feelings and in the long run this will lead to bad feelings and resentment.
Forgive and Forget
All of us make mistakes on a daily basis. Granted, some errors are larger than others, but you need to find a way to let go of the hurt and anger on a daily basis. If you allow the anger to stay it will grow. Every new mistake will build on the previous ones and soon you will spend most of your time angry. It is very hard to reconcile your differences if you are angry all of the time.
Get Outside Help
Even when both spouses have the best intentions, it can often be hard to make this journey alone. It may be easiest if you can find an impartial observer that can give you rational and unbiased advice. This will only be successful if both spouses are comfortable with the counselor.
Trying to save your marriage can be a long and difficult road to travel. Keep in mind that the end result will be a partnership that may strengthen both of you.
Understand Your Feelings
Before you can fix the way that you feel you must understand why you feel that way. Arguments lead to anger and hard feelings, but what is the real reason for the arguments. If you are truthful with yourself and your spouse does the same, you will probably discover that although on the surface the fights are about many things, the real reasons are all the same. Perhaps one spouse feels ignored or that their needs are not being met. Maybe one spouse is too controlling and the other feels like their opinion doesn't matter. Whatever the truth is, if you can discover these reasons then you can start to fix the real problems.
Tell the Truth
Obviously trust is important to a good marriage, but the fact is that almost all of us lie. We don't only lie to our spouses, but often we lie to ourselves as well. Be honest with yourself about what it is that your truly want or need, then share those truths with your spouse. Often we lie to our spouses to protect their feelings. This may be a bad strategy. In this case we end up hurting ourselves to protect our spouses feelings and in the long run this will lead to bad feelings and resentment.
Forgive and Forget
All of us make mistakes on a daily basis. Granted, some errors are larger than others, but you need to find a way to let go of the hurt and anger on a daily basis. If you allow the anger to stay it will grow. Every new mistake will build on the previous ones and soon you will spend most of your time angry. It is very hard to reconcile your differences if you are angry all of the time.
Get Outside Help
Even when both spouses have the best intentions, it can often be hard to make this journey alone. It may be easiest if you can find an impartial observer that can give you rational and unbiased advice. This will only be successful if both spouses are comfortable with the counselor.
Trying to save your marriage can be a long and difficult road to travel. Keep in mind that the end result will be a partnership that may strengthen both of you.
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